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the demise of free thought

look at the time, it's 1984 already

October 27th, 2009

(no subject) @ 04:14 pm

Mood of the moment: bored bored

Life in Texas is great! It'll take me a while to get back into the swing of LJ.

May 11th, 2007

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck @ 09:55 pm

I am fucked BIG time this time. And it's not even my fault. I don't know why I have the worst fucking luck. But it's getting VERY old. I am at my wits end. All I want to do is cry...

May 6th, 2007

two jobs = unhappy tracie @ 10:23 pm

Where I sit at this moment: home
Mood of the moment: exhausted exhausted

My life is too busy.

In a way, it's good, because it will make me want to take advantage and use the free time I actually do have (after I get over being so freaking exhausted all the time). But in the meantime I AM exhausted, and hate it. =( The funny thing is, I am not really getting many hours at the 2nd job, but it's just the working 13 hour days that kill me. Like Friday I worked both jobs. I got up at 4am to get to work by 6. Left there at 2:30 to get to the second job by 3. Left there a little after 7, grabbed some grub, got home, showered, and went to bed by 9:30 or 10. Woke up at 2am to be at work by 3:30, worked until 2:30pm, etc. So yes... VERY tired. Over the next 2 days I work both jobs so don't expect to see too much of me. Not that anyone does anyway. Can't wait until I get a day off!

blech @ 04:49 am

Where I sit at this moment: same ol' place
Mood of the moment: exhausted exhausted
Current jam: same ol' song

I am exhausted. Here's what's been going on the past... days. I got a 2nd job, which is alright, except I really don't want to work 2 jobs and it's making me miserable. For example between Friday morning and Saturday afternoon I worked 24 hours. I was freaking exhausted when I got home. I am never going to want to do anything. I'm sore, I'm crabby, I'm tired, and I have to go back into work, oh, probably about right now.

But the extra... $100 or so a week will be nice. I feel like I should be getting more than that for how freakin exhausted I am. Well what can you do? Such is life. And this is how it's got to be right now.

In other news, we saw Deja Vu last night, and I thought it was pretty good. Confusing until the end, when everything kinda fell into place.

Apart from that, there isn't really much going on. Just pluggin' along!

Ugh =( 9 more days to go until payday

April 28th, 2007

Zzzzzzzz @ 06:51 pm

Where I sit at this moment: home
Mood of the moment: exhausted exhausted
Current jam: Winter - Tori Amos

I did my first ever oil change! It wasnt that hard, actually it was pretty fun. Tomorrow I'm going to take the tires off and change the air filter, for fun :) I know it's basic stuff and I have a lot to learn, but 5 years ago if you would have asked me to change my own oil, I would have laughed at you :) I imagine I'm one of the few women in the world who has changed her own oil (I could be wrong?), and that makes me proud.

Although there's nothing really to be proud of, it's really a simple job. The hardest part is finding effing level ground around here to be able to jack the car up.

Anyway, I figured an estimate to fix the things needed on my car to last a road trip. Sigh. But at least it's cheaper than paying someone else to do it. On the other hand, I have to pay someone to balance the new tires, as it's not in my "Auto Repair for Dummies" book :)

So... yeah. I make just enough to pay my bills and get by, with the occasional Blockbuster rental. How am I going to come up with the $ to fix my car? I'm applying for a 2nd job at a million different places, but so far no luck.

I've been up since 2am... I'm so tired.

April 27th, 2007

car stuff @ 05:03 pm

Where I sit at this moment: home
Mood of the moment: blah blah
Current jam: Arctic Monkeys

I am soooooo tired. And annoyed, as there is something I've been wanting to do for ages now and haven't been able to yet. I have to work at 3:30am tomorrow, which sucks, cuz I want to work on my car at my parents house and now I'll probably be really tired doing it.

Speaking of, I'm changing my oil for the first time, myself, tomorrow. After learning basic car repair stuff, I realize that my car needs a LOT of work if I want to take it out west. This is what I figured out so far that it needs:

NEW TIRES is a definite must. But at $100 a tire, this is the probably the most costly thing.
New air filter (inexpensive, esp compared to tires)
Maybe new spark plugs, PCP valve
Radiator flush
Fuel filter
new brake pads

I'd like to have a few car things (like a belt for example) to keep in the car while traveling in case something happens. I've had bad luck with this car on past trips, so I don't want to take it unless I know that these things are fixed and I have backup stuff. I will know how to fix things now, which would save on repair shop costs, but I need the actual stuff to be able to do it. All in all, I should probably figure out a total. It really does help on labor costs and stuff to know how to do it yourself!

Now... to figure out how to acquire such things....

.... @ 04:18 am

Where I sit at this moment: home
Mood of the moment: drained drained
Current jam: Words - Doves

Need coffee.

Don't have anything else to say at 4:19am.

April 25th, 2007

it's finally time... @ 06:29 pm

Where I sit at this moment: home

Going to see Fracture =)

This better be good.

April 22nd, 2007

meh @ 08:52 pm

Where I sit at this moment: home
Mood of the moment: depressed depressed

I'm kinda down.

This isn't why, but earlier I hit a bird on my way home from the UP. It flew down low and I didn't see it, I hit it with the bumper and ..ugh.. I won't go into details, but there are still feathers stuck in my grille (that it broke when it got hit). Sigh.

But yeah, I'm down and out. I hope the margarita and a good sleep help.

end of the weekend.. boo hoo @ 04:16 pm

Where I sit at this moment: home
Mood of the moment: content content

Ahhh... I made it home okay. I stopped by Sleepy Hollow State Park on the way back just to see what's there. Some bike/horse trails, a beach, a huge lake, boat rental... looks like I'll be making some trips there this summer. And it's pretty warm outside! I'd like to spend the rest of the day outside =)

Tomorrow... thunderstorms! Too bad I'll be at work.

April 21st, 2007

I'm full @ 07:43 pm

Where I sit at this moment: Munising (Sunset Motel on the Bay)

I wouldn't mind living up here. It's been a pretty relaxing day. I hung out at the beach, drove out to see the Soo Locks, and went to see live music. The trips to the beach were the best part. I drew pictures in the sand.. I sat in the sand and gazed out at the waves... so peaceful. Right now I'm chilling on the bed overlooking the lake with a beer.

So quiet...

April 20th, 2007

weekend trip @ 08:34 pm

Where I sit at this moment: Munising, Michigan
Mood of the moment: tired tired

Right now I'm laying on a king sized bed, which is sitting next to a balcony overlooking Lake Superior. =) Life is good. Could be better though... but won't get into that.

Anyway it's beautiful here... I've stayed at this hotel before but never in the upstairs suite with the balcony! Looks like this room is my room of choice from now on. I probably will just relax in the room for the rest of the night. Tomorrow I'm going to go look at waterfalls and try to find a kayak rental place that's open this time of year. I'm not sure what else I'm going to do.

I took some pictures from the balcony but I'm roaming so I can't send them and upload them here. Maybe later!

That's about it for now!

April 18th, 2007

sigh @ 08:32 pm

Is it Friday yet?

April 17th, 2007

moo goes the cow @ 07:55 pm

Where I sit at this moment: home

I don't know what's with this permanent headache I've had. Well let's see I was sent home early from work cuz it was slow. Which.. kinda made me mad, but whatever. So I spent the day doing some errands and cleaning. I know cleaning sounds mundane... but I love it. It's very soothing... almost meditative. Actually, it is kinda like meditation for me... it's almost as if while physically cleaning my apartment, I am also cleaning out my mind. Emptying it. That's because I mindfully clean, and feel very good and .. clean once everything is done! Ok... I just reread that and realize it sounds rather dumb :) But I don't care.

What else is new? 3 days until Fracture, and 3 days until I go to the upper peninsula. I can't wait to get out of here. I need a break. I don't even care if I don't see anything new up there, a temporary change of pace will be nice.

Hmm.. Eddie, what do you say, should we start a countdown, perhaps, until our trip this summer? We need to get together online and talk about the trip some.

The sky has been amazing every morning for 3 days now. I really love living where I do... being able to see the stars so clearly....

April 15th, 2007

every day existance @ 08:43 pm

Where I sit at this moment: home

I need to get out of routine. My life is very boring right now, very mundane, very average. How can I live an extraordinary life when I am trapped in routine? I know I'm not trapped, but I've allowed myself to get caught up in the ordinary, everyday life. This isn't me, this isn't like me, so why the drone existence? It's somewhat ironic how moving to a completely new location has made my life very ordinary. Unfamiliar with my surroundings, I merely adapted into a routine. Go to work. Pay bills. Eat. Go online (or similar at-home activity). Go to sleep. VERY boring, and exactly the life I hate. It's no wonder I'm going crazy. But why haven't I explored the area? Well, for one, I did a bit, and didn't find much. Which led me to think Lansing is very dull. But there's stuff out there, I'm discovering. Just some parks and such. At least it'd be a break from this every day life.

Which I'm currently trying to break out of. Yes, I still have to go to work. Yes, I still have to pay bills. Well I suppose I don't HAVE to, and I'd prefer NOT to, but it makes staying alive a little easier for now :) Work does get in the way though! Anyway, I decided to step out of routine, try to do different things when I can. For example, start doing yoga again. Things like that. I have a spare couple of dollars coming my way, which I intend to use to fix my car then take a little trip north to get away from the mundane, refocus my energy and the such.

In other news, I've started the work on the book I'm going to write. I wrote a little intro, which I think isn't very good & I might rewrite or delete altogether. As of now I'm just taking notes. But... I'm making SOME progress. Mostly while working, as lately it's been pretty slow at work and my hours are spent sitting around bored. So I brought a notebook and, today, my computer to get some work done on my novel :0

That's abooooot it!

April 13th, 2007

book @ 04:22 pm

Where I sit at this moment: home

Well I started writing my book today at work. I just have an intro so far. This is hard work.

April 12th, 2007

winter blues @ 08:56 am

Where I sit at this moment: home
Mood of the moment: cranky cranky

Hello world. Or livejournal readers, rather.

What is up with this winter weather? Working in it was a nightmare yesterday. I don't know why I was so miserable, but I got really pissed off working in it. It's April! It's not supposed to be this way. I left work soaking wet, freezing. There's nothing worse than working while you are soaking wet and cold. Miserable! Oh well, it's over. Hopefully the snow will retire and it'll start getting warmer, so I can actually go bike riding and rollerblading and such.

April 10th, 2007

get back @ 07:15 pm

Where I sit at this moment: hizome

Just a quick update before I take a shower...
I'm so blah! I don't know why. Too little sleep, too little activity, and too much food? I don't know. I'm also down and out about my car. Not much else going on......

10 days until Fracture comes out!!!!!!

April 8th, 2007

I haven't seen you in like, forEVER! @ 10:05 am

Where I sit at this moment: home!
Mood of the moment: hungry hungry

How many entries in my lifetime have started out like this:?
"It's been awhile since I've posted here" =)

Well it has, and it's completely due to laziness. That and not feeling like I have anything interesting to say lately. My life's been kinda blah. Just working, paying bills, trying to get by. What's really new? I decided that I am interested in becoming a mechanic. Although no one is taking me seriously when I say that! I'm going on vacation in late August, fun fun fun :) Not many details on that yet. My car is broken; leaking radiator fluid.. not fun. Can't afford to fix it :(

That's mostly about it. I've met a couple of friends out here, people I work with. It's very very very hard for me to meet people out here. Sometimes it really sucks. Although I complain about most people being selfish, greedy, shallow, etc., not everyone is like that and I do get very lonely. I have an issue with trust.

But everything happens for a reason and things will just kinda.. work out, I'm sure. They always did in the past.

March 9th, 2007

yawwwwn @ 05:00 am

Not much to report today. I have to go back to work here after having a day off. Should be interesting with my hurt finger...

March 7th, 2007

Fun @ 04:40 pm

So I am typing with one finger right now. Why is that? Because I busted a finger and I think i broke the tip. Only me......

Apart from that it's been a great day. I was almost in 5 car accidents on the way to work and was almost late because of bad roads. There was about 3 inches of ice at the boneyard and I slipped when I got out of my car. But then slipped and fell hard and hurt my knee. Then I shut my finger in s car door and got it stuck --- fucking hurts like hell.

But the real fun (although the finger incident is by far the worst) is that the guy I was training effing peed on himself --- then blamed it on ME telling my boss that I wouldn't let him use the bathroom. Apparently I told him that if he used the bathroom he'd get fired. The idiot never even asked to use the bathroom or anything!! Nasty.

Fun day.

February 18th, 2007

vocal dreamer @ 09:51 am

Where I sit at this moment: home
Mood of the moment: amused amused

Yesterday I took a nap for a couple of hours. While I napped, I had a dream that I must have thought was hilarious. I laughed really hard in the dream - so hard that I woke myself up laughing in "real life"! :) I have woke myself up a number of times being vocal during dreaming.

I missed work yesterday being in so much pain. By the evening I felt better and continued with my plans to go out dancing. It was pretty fun. It felt really good to sleep in today though!

February 16th, 2007

wow! @ 02:43 pm

Where I sit at this moment: home
Mood of the moment: cold cold

Talk about luck! This is what happened:
I got cable internet today. I said I'd set it up myself to save $50. Well when they got here, they just set it up for me for free cuz they were nice! Also they set up 99 cable channels for free too! I didn't order cable TV but I'm not going to refuse free TV :) I can't help that they just set it up then told me what they did. So, darn, I guess I get to watch the daily show ;)

Life is good.

February 15th, 2007

*stretch* @ 09:19 am

A little update:

Today: Day off!
Tomorrow: Work, then internet
Saturday: Work, nap, going out (I think)
Sunday: Day off! Meeting up with Monica (childhood friend) at GLC
Monday-Tuesday: Scott's coming to spend a couple of days with me!! We're going to have a blast :)
I think we are going sledding, out to eat, probably go searching for parks or something, have a Daria party and eat junk food :)

Yesterday I saw Hannibal Rising. A kind of disappointment. I was hoping it'd be a lot better, but it wasn't bad.

So now that I will be having the internet at home, I'll probably update a lot more often. Therefore I'm out now :)

February 8th, 2007

quickie @ 04:54 pm

Hey look -- an update. :) I'll try to blog here more often, but it's really difficult sometimes.

A lot of changes are about. My life is changing rapidly, like an immense wildfire or huge tornado, ripping everything in it's path. But it clears way for new things to develop, and that's a great thing!

January 24th, 2007

(no subject) @ 10:13 am

And another thing, if anyone out there knows of any holistic/alternative health doctors in michigan, let me know! I've been in pain a lot lately and want to take care of this once and for all.

I really need the internet. I'm getting very lonely. I miss everyone.

quickie @ 09:59 am

Where I sit at this moment: Alma

Hello all. It's been awhile.
I really don't have much to say.. I'm going through a lot of crap right now and am struggling to keep a peaceful demeaner. Trying to hang in there. It's hard, but I'm managing okay most of the time. mostly I've just been working and relaxing. I look forward to having the internet someday so I can actually update more often and keep up with everyone. Until then.... hasta luego

January 8th, 2007

been a while @ 08:39 am

Where I sit at this moment: Alma

Hello all.  I came up to Alma with Kandace for her first day back to school, and to use the internet :)  Life has been okay.  I need to work more hours, or find a 2nd job.  Money is tight, but what else is new? 

New Year's Eve went alright.  We were going to stay home and relax, but at the last second we were spontaneous and went out for an hour.  Then we came back home, rung in the new year, and passed out :)  There's really not much to report... It's snowing pretty hard... My apartment is a mess and I have a lot of cleaning and stuff to do today...  I was doing some yoga until I started working more at the railyard, which involves a lot of walking.  So I'm really sore, and yoga, although it'd probably help, is the last thing I want to do :)  And... that's about it!  I miss everyone, and I miss the internet.. and I'll probably update again before I leave Alma. 


December 25th, 2006

Merry Christmas!!!! @ 06:32 am

Life is good.  :)

Have a great day.. proper update later!!

December 18th, 2006

*yawn* @ 05:59 pm

Well I had to come to the parents house to get the spare car keys because OF COURSE I lost my keys.  *sigh*  I'm waiting for that one day when nothing goes wrong :)  

Eddie: Sorry I missed your call the other day.. I was at work; work's been super busy and exhausts me.  I hope all is well.  

I'm exhausted now, so I'm out of here!


the demise of free thought

look at the time, it's 1984 already